How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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