I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
