come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
