woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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