i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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