help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
