I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
