At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
