she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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