sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
