batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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