before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
