so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dignity is for republicans.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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