i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
