I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
