I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
