Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
