She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
