I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
