he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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