I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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