She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
