All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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