If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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