I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize