Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
