About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
