i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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