Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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