you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
