Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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