just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
