Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize