CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
