So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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