i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
