We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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