# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
