Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry about my life...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
