i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
