sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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