i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
