Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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