hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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