i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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