This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize