you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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