I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
