I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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