Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize