Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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