you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
