I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
