How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A+ Viking dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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