If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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