I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
