He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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