Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize