took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
