the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
