Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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