The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
