cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
