She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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