You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
